I don't even know where to start. A lot has happened since I last really got into writing on here. For instance, over the past two months I've been on stage a few times in front of a bunch of people, and (just bein' truthful here) have made the entire room laugh a handful of times in the process of making up stuff with a few other people. It's a sizeable chunk of information about myself to chew on. I was also asked to emcee the first half of one of the shows, which meant talking directly at the people, and they made sounds of pleasant agreement and didn't look horrified. I could do that as well. Huhmmm.
I think I'm starting to know that I can do it and will get better with practice over time - which I am getting . That's a relief. I can't imagine being cripplingly nervous for years and years - I can kill most of the nerves by realizing that people who I admire have told me I'm doing okay. If I'm on a team with talented people, it's not conceited to extrapolate that I myself might be in possession of faculties such as they are. Even if I'm not as good as them, I'm at least in the ballpark. On the field, even. Maybe not one of the bases and certainly not the pitcher, but maybe an outfielder. A shortstop would be pushing it but I think beginner's luck would be with me and I could do it in a pinch. I'm not sure how and I don't want to ever watch myself to find out, but I'm okay at improv. So I'm gaining confidence.
That knowledge allowed me to relax and take things slower. Not that much was fast paced, but everything felt as natural as it could at my experience level and while in front of an audience. I'm not going to speak for the others because I don't know how they all felt. Nervousness usually means rapid movements and speaking. I think these shows felt closer to reality and slowed down from frantic. Not that this group has ever been frantic; I'm talking about my first few times on stage. How embarrassing. Cringe cringe vomit. People told me that I did well back then too, but "well" for a beginner is more like "won't have to kill myself to stop the shame".
I also wrote a *cringe* blog entry *vomit* about *cringe* improv and it was posted on their *kill myself* website. I am so nervous about that. I'm fine about the stage, but people reading my words on a website that people actually go to makes me die. Comfortable about being mentally if not physically naked in front of an audience, uncomfortable about being able to shape and edit words to my satisfaction before presentation. Seems farked up.
Therefore, I'm a little ponderous about the whole thing. I don't remember too many things about the shows I was in. There were a lot of them though. I'm still processing. There's a break in shows until February, which I think is the best that can happen. Breaks can be good.
Oh ya and Rob Ford happened, that was craaaaaa-zeeeee! My other obsession. Improv and Rob Ford.
Mask Me No More Questions - a cross post. It's kind of arty so I'm putting it here too. Okay? What else you need explained? - I was trying to think up a good mask pun. Mask not what your country can do for you... Last week I took a mask intensive. We wore masks and made a mask and...
1 year ago